new posting...surgery

salam..............

my 2nd rotation after paediatric...

seminggu sudah di ward surgery and everyday is such a long long day...

tak sama dengan ward budak2 yg colourful dulu

now, it was so 'suram' laaa..

and i will try to adapt.

patients came with different complaints

we have to clerk, know their problems, what the doc did to them..

that is the way we learnt...

some of the cases i found had similar manifestation as mine.. 

it was so scary...

by chit chatting with them, i was very thankful, even i also had health problem, but i still could walk, 

still could do my ibadah

still could enjoy this life

as long as i can bear with it...

''surgery posting is quite relax''

i still cannot appreciate it

everyday we have to complete with other students from other universities

kesian patients

but, it is a good competition though

hope that i can improve my skill lor...

on how to build self confidence

kena marah sikit2 xpe laaa... 

itu kan adat menuntut ilmu

:))

p/s: prepare physically and mentally to face unexpected tomorrow ....... 

when i became a patient

bismillah....

today i went  to one of the clinic here... people went there of course they were sick, so i am.. i had to spend my precious 3 hours in this morning just to comfort myself, just to know what was wrong with my health... doctors can be ill, so as medical student like me.. eventhough we learnt about the diseases, but when we have that kind of illness, we tried to be in denial state..

we have to treat ourself first before we treat other people...i know that..

the environment in that clinic this morning made me so irritated.. how could the doc in charge just asked only few things then jumped to the conclusion... chief complaint and the duration.. is it enough???? the history taking was very simple then.... i know laa she wanted to hurry up,, maybe ''so many patients outside'' was her excuses...but, patient's presenting illness is much more important.. but she never asked that... and also, what i noticed patient-doc relationship was so poor.. no eye contact, even she tried to raise her voice to the patient,.. truely, i cant admire such kind of doc...

example of  your condition:
you come to the clinic with swelling in your throat.. you wait outside the GP's room with ur stomach full of butterflies..counting from one number to other numbers..
then, until you sat in front of the doc.. '' ok, what's ur problem?'' '' actually, i've lump in my throat''... '' let me see,, for how long u have this?''..... '' hmm... i didnt remember, quite a long time ago laa''.. you still want to continue.,,'' i also have stomach pain''....'' you still don't answer my question..how long?!''...
 what is ur feeling when doc started to raise her voice??
''ok, go and take ur blood pressure''...
you came back to GP's room...'' ur BP is normal.. so, we cant start treatment yet.. please do take the blood.. and ur appointment is 2 month's time"...''ok, thanks''

what????!!! 2 months time? that condition is similar with mine... within 2 months time, everything can happen..
never ask me whether i have any pain or not, any associated symptoms.. what i could say, anything about  history of presenting complaint (HOPI) is not been asked.. without it, we cannot differentiate between benign or malignant, physiologic or pathologic....

patients came to see the doc not only to take medication, but they want to share their problems, and they know, doc will understand them... by expressing their burdens, half of their illness gone... they want someone to encourage, to advise, to concern about them.. even how curable the disease is, but they have the right to live in this word peacefully...

and i wish, if i had given a long time to live, i want to be an admirable doc...insyaAllah.....

kuasa yg menyembuhkan itu bukan pada manusia, tapi Allah.. Doktor hanya mampu membantu......

sekali sekala kena marah ada baiknya

assalamualaikum....

it almost 3 weeks i 've been in clinical years.. baru tahu susah dan penatnya, tu bukan kerja lagi.. yesterday moments, the day that make me realize who i am.. akan ku ingat hari itu...huhu

we have seminar and i am the one yang kena present. first presenter.... lecturer yg in charge bukan sebarang lecturer..salah seorg yg 'digeruni' dalam kalangan pelajar mahupom lecturer yg laen.. after abis present tuh, she attacked me with questions, unfortunately i couldnt answer... tulaaa... simple quetions pom ko xleh jawab.. dilontarkan dengan perkataan yg 'harsh2'.. hanya Allah saja yg tahu perasaan aku waktu tu... i tak leh imagine if my mom saw that incident... even my friends pom terkedu... she shouted at me.. '' you don't pass this presentation!'' i felt i was too stupid in front of my friends... i dont know what is their impression on me from that day... rasa ingin cabut jer dari seminar tu...

i think positive on what she have told me even in that kind of way.... ''i scold you because i care of you''... i blame myself indeed, not her... walau pepom, i should respect her. She will not act like that  without any reasons.. i know that.. .

but, i console myself by saying that, there is no one who is the greatest, powerful, knowledgeable except Allah..and i know He will help me as only He can comfort me...

persoalan: adakah diri ini terlalu dimanjakan dan terlalu di 'spoon fed'???

dugaan

bismillah...

terasa diri jauh dari pencipta...

terlalu leka dengan nikmat dunia..

terlalu memikirkan kerisauan hari esok...

ini hanya dunia 

wahai diri yang lemah lagi hina

pabila ujian menimpa

baru mencari-cari Sang Pencipta

mengadu padaNya

kerana aku tahu

ujian itu datang dariNya

dan aku mengharapkan Dia akan melenyapkan ujian itu

sabar...sabar..sabar...sabar.... sesungguhnya Allah menyukai orang yang sabar

mood: sakit itu datang lagi,.. i can't concentrate on my duties... i was so worried even i don't show it.. only Allah know...

that child

salam.....

we are guilty of many errors and many faults but our worst crime is abandoning the children, neglecting the fountain of life

many of the things we need can wait....the child cannot

right time is the time their bones are being formed, 

their blood are being made and their senses are being developed

to them, we cannot answer

''tomorrow''

                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                 GABRIELA MISTRAL

MOOD:in paediatric posting.....:))

rasa itu sudah hilang

hatiku berbicara lagi....

cuti 2 minggu nie bukannya nak buat kerja yang berfaedah...isyh..miza oii, baca la buku tuh..study2.. cakap je tapi tak buat pom...bukak laptop, mak ingat duk study, rupa rupanya.....

baru abis tengok cite korea ngan baca e novel hlovate... alasan nak lupakan dulu ''ketakutan'' yang bakal kualami nanti clinical years...membantu ker??? alaa...jiwang sekali sekala.. that is fantasy not a reality.. udah udah le tu...

sekarang nie dah tak mau dah fikir that childish things.. no good outcome...sedih plus stupid la aku nie... think positive " Allah itu ada perancangan yang lebih baik''
that lovey dovey things not suit with me lorr....

Aku Tinggalkan Dia Demi Allah

Dengan nama Allah
Sebaik-baik Pemberi Ganjaran

Namamukah yang tertulis di luh mahfuz sana?
Engkaukah yang bakal menemaniku jalan menuju syurga?
Dirimukah yang akan melengkapkan separuh dari agamaku?
Aduhai pria.
Adakah kau yang tercipta untukku?
Jawab pertanyaanku ini.
Jawab!

Kau takkan pernah dapat memberi jawapan
Kerna jawapannya bukan di tanganmu
Tetapi di tanganNya.
Di tangan Tuhan kita; Allah
Tuhanku dan Tuhanmu

Gelisahku memikirkan dirimu
Dan ketakutanku memikirkan Tuhanku
Aduhai pria
Maafkan aku.
Ketakutanku pada Tuhanku melebihi kegelisahanku memikirkanmu

Jemput diriku pabila waktunya tiba
Sebelum sampai saat itu, biarkan aku sendiri bersama Si Dia
Akan kucipta cinta bersama Dia
Sebelum kucipta cinta antara kita

Jadilah dirimu kumbang yang hebat
Dan doakan aku agar menjadi bunga yang mekar

"i've leave him for the sake of Allah"

Sesungguhnya Allah takkan pernah mensia-siakan pengorbananmu sayang
Bilamana kita tinggalkan semua ini kerana Allah semata
Yakinlah!
Akan ada sesuatu yang indah untukmu di pengakhiran nanti

Dan sesungguhnya hari kemudian
itu lebih baik bagimu
daripada yang sekarang (permulaan).
Dan kelak Tuhanmu
pasti memberikan karunia-Nya kepadamu ,
lalu (hati) kamu menjadi puas.
[Ad dhuha: 4 & 5]

Untuk itu
Aku tinggalkan dirimu padaNya

Sesungguhnya
aku bertawakkal
kepada Allah Tuhanku dan Tuhanmu.
Tidak ada suatu binatang melata
melainkan Dia-lah yang memegang ubun-ubunnya.
Sesungguhnya Tuhanku di atas jalan yang lurus.
(Allah Maha Adil)
[Hud: 56]

usah bersedih atas perpisahan sementara ini
jika benar dia tercipta untukmu
tiada apa yang dapat menghalangnya
sebelum saat itu tiba
berdoalah pada Allah moga diberi kekuatan
mohonlah padanya dengan penuh mengharap........

( copy and paste from somewhere because it is too nice)

i''ll leave him for the sake of Allah....

p/s: kejiwangan itu penyakit jugak.. which doc can treat this kind of illness?? 

buat yang terbaik

bismillah...

hatiku berkata,
''one week left to go to 3rd year...
happy? fear? anxious? semua perasaan bercampur aduk ketika ini
can i survive?
can i perform myself better than before?
berhasilkah transformasi itu?''

kerana aku susah nak beristiqamah

only Allah knows my heart

ok, let put aside unnecessary things in your life

focus on your vision

but, i cant promise,even to myself

hatiku ditenteramkan lagi

Allah sentiasa bersamaku

saat aku meminta kepadaNya

 hadir sinar di situ

tatkala aku diberi ujian bertimpa timpa

hampir diri ini tewas dan putus asa

 mengeluh tanpa sedar

ampunkan aku, Ya Allah

whatever it is

life must go on

let today is better than yesterday....

p/s : jangan takut hadapi hari esok dan buat yang terbaik